meh

Ok so yeh, a bit of a hiatus.

Yeh, life has gotten progressivley shittier.

Erm, exam season. Parents. Oh.my.fuck.
yes.

so, yeh.
Dads gone.

He moved out sunday.
Saddest fucking thing ive ever been through.

Everything was all fine sunday morning, went to the library with linda, got home, noone was there.

mum gets home, then steph. steph was all sad.
dad told her he was leaving after i left.

so i cry.
but then i stop, cos its all for the best right?
then he comes home, and i cant stop.
before it gets bad i joke like who is gonna be my minicab now? but he was crying and i couldnt stop. i was just sobbing holding onto him... i couldnt even walk out to the car with him, i just fell down behind the sofa and cried.
twas so sad..

and i had an exam the next morning.. so yeh.
first they screw up my childhood, now they are trying to screw up my a-levels as well..
couldnt concentrate anymore sunday, went to bed, got to the exam late the next day, by about ten minutes.. not even caring anymore, i start crying half way through, all the while thankful to god that the exam seems so easy.

this isnt always a good sign with me and exams, if i think they are easy, its normally a sign that i have failed, but oh well..
afterwards i must have looked like the shit of shits cos everyone was like, whats wrong, was it the exam?
if only they knew duudes :(
couldnt say it, told lindz, ish.. and nia noes, but thats it, cant talk bout it... too painful, tis so strange.. like he all alone somewhere in his little flat, and we at least have us..

and he was crying, like i love you three so much and im sorry it didnt work out, and there i am like, dont blame yourself.. but then it is his fault... not entirely.. but mostly, it wasnt her fault he did what he did... omigosh.

yes.

he came over tuesday evening, started crying again, then he turned around and went to the car and drove away, it felt so wrong...
everything feels so wrong...
cant concentrate cant function, its all stress and chaos in my head...

grandma and grandpa are here as well, they came yesterday, acting like its all normal for them to arrive and my dad not be here... mum musta told them on the way back from the airport..

hurts loads like..
i dno...
im so fucked up tis not even funny :(


i need a blankie.... a nice fuzzy one to hide under and never come out..

meh